last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
