Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
