i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've blown a few things in my day
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
