haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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