Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
