Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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