she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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