the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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