there's paper in my vomit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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