do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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