PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
