maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
