My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
