He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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