Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
