Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
