i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Alive.
So much puke
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
