Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
