Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
