I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What a dumb baby whore.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
