yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
