will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
