I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
