I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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