to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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