2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
