The maid of honor just puked.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
