The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
