WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
