Barsexuality is the new black.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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