pop tarts are not kleenex
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
