Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
