Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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