The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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