So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
