My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
