so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
