I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
