Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
