Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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