I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
