haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
