i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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