I wannas sexs uuuuu
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
