Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
