he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
