those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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