Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
