YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
4 words: hood of his car
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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