I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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