I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
