Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
