I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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