She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
