Reggie can tackle my bush.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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