Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
